DONT LOVE (THE MAN IM SUPPOSED TO BE) lyrics

Another one down. Closer and closer to my goal of releasing this project by the years end.

More lyrics for anyone to enjoy

DONT LOVE (THE MAN IM SUPPOSED TO BE) 

when I'm feeling, like I've been gone for far too long

when I'm feeling, like I could sing another song 

when I'm feeling, like I have learned my right from wrong 

when I'm feeling, from out this gutter I have crawled

when I'm feeling, through this fogginess I've soared 

when I'm feeling, like heaven is knocking at my door

when I'm feeling, like I have cut you from cardboard 

when I'm feeling like, like I dont love you anymore 

Rage against the darkness, rage against the coming light

Rage in every corner, rage inside me all the time

Can you feel the anger, the fear of loosing pride

But now I'm here without you, and there is peace inside my mind

I dont know this man, that stands in front of me, I know hes not the man, the man that I'm supposed to be

These spirits walk on either side of me, This darkness mirrors a brighter side to see,

In the league of nations they push hypocrisy, but between the legions it's just so hard to see

I will play the hero, because they call me king, My life just passed by, I see it flies on golden wings

LOST IN MYSELF (Song Lyrics)

LOST IN MYSELF 

by Rev Kip Batiz

Been at the inner twilight
There's not a spot of sunlight
The sky remembered so bright
Lost in myself
Feels like I'm searching for peace
Escaping from this cold beast
These open wounds on which they feast
Lost in myself
Tearing at me in rage
I will not leave from this cage
Not ready for the next page
Lost in myself
In dreams are blissful somber
My mind I slowly wander
This darkness that I ponder
Lost in myself
Who invited all of these eyes
All you ever search for is lies
I adorn another disguise
Lost in myself
At the precipice of greatness
On another soul I blame this
Wish I hadn't grown so calloused
Lost in myself

 

"The Star that You Grieve" poem by Rev Kip Batiz

"The Star that You Grieve" 

By Rev Kip Batiz

You watch you wait you try to relate

Stifled confusion you attempt to negate

A Driving a desire a want to be great

In slight hesitation of gallop and gate

In questioning meaning while wiping the slate

You ponder your value you wonder and wait

This deep seeded treasure you can not escape

Feels like an anchor a hindering weight 

You have it within you though you can not explain 

The people around you that's who's to blame

Keep hiding your greatness so that they dont hate 

This falsehood facade of adolescent opaque 

If you somehow hold on it might keep you safe

It triggers that static it goes against fate

You know you are more than what they bring to your plate

I wish you could see how I see you today

Your glow your curves that body that face

I wouldve built you a castle with a mote and a gate 

To keep out the serpents just out of arms length 

The queen that's within you she wants to be free

To Sing and to dance to show the world how great

I feel you at moments like a present debris 

Fractals of time that are stuck on repeat 

Things that I wish the words I would eat

The moments I missed cause I just couldnt see 

How you couldn't see how I couldn't breathe

I'd put you on top of my fantasy 

Cause the things that we shared that made me believe 

That I'd be your hero and make you complete

Oh silly me to have such beliefs 

A wandering fool the idiots journey 

I love you so much that it hurts when I see 

That you cannot see the shining star that you grieve 

-Rev Kip Batiz 

You are one with the light cause were all made of stars 🌞🌜

Impermanence

Impermanence

Our minds can rarely fathom infinitesimal things. Recently I have been coming into a lesson of impermanence. This idea that the value of one's life can be found in Legacy, but how do we measure Legacy? How can you measure the impact that you had on other people? 

Our conception of value has been skewed to essentially embody importance of material or tangible gain when in fact we have been told what to value by measurable parameters, such as Rarity to find, or difficulty to obtain. When we use these things to Define our value, we are falling into a trap of lack mentality.  The importance of our life cannot be Quantified from the external, and while our impact on the external is visible and measurable, it should not be held as value. 

The idea of impermanence, while not very fathomable is persistent. The strongest structures weather in time, the principles of one's life are slowly integrated and forgotten. Our ancestors understood the concept of Cycles- for everything has its place in time and in the Material. Clinging to the Past has a stagnation effect that leads to imbalance and dis-ease. While Matter itself is subject to the laws of the material, it is proven that energy stays consistent and cannot be destroyed. 

The concept of reincarnation shows that energy can be consistent even if the structure of matter is not. The idea that there is one energetic being that keeps coming back to this reality is simply Cycles playing out their purpose. Choosing to not acknowledge the cyclical nature of our being is similar to blocking the path of a gear. In choosing to stay or live in the past we are stifling the rotation of the gears in direct proportion to our own. When we refuse to let the gears turn we inherently prevent growth or progression of other people in their Cycles. 

A wise man once told me to stop looking in my rearview since I'm not going that direction. Accepting the impermanence of all things in life including our place in it is very liberating. I myself have been a victim of my own unwillingness to acknowledge the impermanence of all things. It caused much destruction, depression, distortion, and dis-ease. 

The art of impactfulness does hinge on the ability to recognize when the part we play has served its purpose. We can then choose to replay these moments in our mind going over what should have been, what could have been, or we can choose to accept the new role that we have been given. 

Grace is a combination of style and purpose. When purpose can be served in an aesthetically pleasing or Artful format it is said to have Grace- to be in line with the Divine. When your role has been completed will you bow out in grace? 

-Reverend Kip Batiz 

Strapping My Boots on: by Reverend Kip Batiz

As I laid down with my face hurting I began to wonder about my value and contributions to this life. I second-guessed all the things I had strive for considering my goals list was very unaccomplished. Here it was 39 years old, divorced, broke, addicted, and with little to show for my life's effort. The misery was overwhelming as I tossed and turned in bed with my face swollen. It has been 3 days being bedridden and I really could not afford to miss as much work as I had. For those 3 days I had barely so much as gotten up to shower. My diet had consisted of mainly applesauce and pudding cups. The doctors had told me if I had waited any longer I could have been septic. The fact was I had already waited far too long with this infection that I could possibly already had been septic. My mind wandered while they spoke with me over video conference. This was only about eight months into the Coronavirus epidemic and I refused to go into the hospitals as I would have had to wait far too long in there anyway, most private practices we're closed to the public or we're on Limited hours because of the pandemic. I felt lucky to find a doctor online who could prescribe me the antibiotics that I needed. After third day being stuck in bed I finally had a reason to get up and out into the world, I dreaded it. I got out of bed and begin getting dressed. 

I'd suffered from depression before and never had accepted a need for medication. This experience was driving me deep into it. The combination of situations had sent me spiraling.

Once going through the motions I found my mind becoming more at ease. The nature of getting dressed or getting ready to start my day rather; I noticed my mind starting to not dwell on my circumstances but rather focusing more on the desired outcome of making my trip to the pharmacy. Eventually thinking about the relief that would come after obtaining my prescription. 

After what seemed like a Herculean task completed, I found that my mind had found a happy place to dwell on. This put me in a better emotional state and even though I still had the infection and my prescription had not quite yet taken affect a lot of my depressive tendencies begin to retard. I'd wondered if simply getting out of the house and accomplishing a goal if that had in fact been the catalyst for my beginning to feel normal.

As my mind wandered further I reviewed my actions in getting my day started my focus was drawn to a single moment. I went round and round with the thought trying to rationalize or dispute it. Could it simply have been this easy the whole time? Could I have work out a method to throw my mind into autopilot? Seems absurd, for something so simple to have such a large impact on my state of being. Over and over I contemplated this moment. I begin to think back to similar moments and was able to reach only one conclusion. In its most simplest form the act of strapping on my boots had inadvertently activated some autopilot mechanism in my brain. My behavior and mood was linked to having a purpose. When my body went through the motions of strapping on my boots my sense of Duty and accomplishment must have triggered some endorphins or dopamine possibly. Science does show evidence that the act of thinking through a plan and goal releases such chemicals in the brain to stimulate the reward center.

I always enjoy brain hacks or introducing specific behavioral modifications. The human brain has always fascinated me, psychology and behaviorism being at the Forefront of these. For instance if I'm trying to incorporate a habit I will use another habit in my natural behavior to associate it to. This however felt like another level. The more I looked back at my behavior the more sense it made. I tend to be a pretty active body, and even in my most inactive period of life I still had managed to get up and put my boots on even if my plans were to be homebound for the day.

Suddenly the act of strapping my boots on was far more impactful then I would have ever imagined. It symbolized my drive, my ambition, my fortitude, and my mindset of getting s*** done. It was grounding, it was foundational, it was my energy body getting ready for flight. Every cell in my body recognized this moment as something to be excited about, and I agreed.

Associative Behavior is so underrated in our current culture. We tend to have a mindset in which we believe that if there is nothing to do then we should keep our body sedentary. Our senses are over-stimulated by television, radio, internet, smartphones, marketing, and advertisements that our brain simply wants to wait in idle for the next brain candy treat. We want to believe that we are constantly tired from being overworked when in reality the majority of us are over stimulated. Mental exhaustion has similar effects to physical exhaustion on the body. 

This effect of associative Behavior is recognizable in ceremony and ritual. When feeling the connection to the divine was the most sought-after euphoric feeling to strive for the act of preparing such a ceremony or ritual induces the beginning stages of this euphoria.

In my current practice the use of ceremony and ritual is less rigid and used more for the building of excitement and energy. Raising mine and others vibration to the point that energy work becomes much more easy because of the abundance.

Let's just say now every time I wake up I look forward to starting my day. I would encourage you to figuratively strap your boots on and go do something beautiful and inspiring. The world awaits you.

-Reverend Kip Batiz

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