As I laid down with my face hurting I began to wonder about my value and contributions to this life. I second-guessed all the things I had strive for considering my goals list was very unaccomplished. Here it was 39 years old, divorced, broke, addicted, and with little to show for my life's effort. The misery was overwhelming as I tossed and turned in bed with my face swollen. It has been 3 days being bedridden and I really could not afford to miss as much work as I had. For those 3 days I had barely so much as gotten up to shower. My diet had consisted of mainly applesauce and pudding cups. The doctors had told me if I had waited any longer I could have been septic. The fact was I had already waited far too long with this infection that I could possibly already had been septic. My mind wandered while they spoke with me over video conference. This was only about eight months into the Coronavirus epidemic and I refused to go into the hospitals as I would have had to wait far too long in there anyway, most private practices we're closed to the public or we're on Limited hours because of the pandemic. I felt lucky to find a doctor online who could prescribe me the antibiotics that I needed. After third day being stuck in bed I finally had a reason to get up and out into the world, I dreaded it. I got out of bed and begin getting dressed.
I'd suffered from depression before and never had accepted a need for medication. This experience was driving me deep into it. The combination of situations had sent me spiraling.
Once going through the motions I found my mind becoming more at ease. The nature of getting dressed or getting ready to start my day rather; I noticed my mind starting to not dwell on my circumstances but rather focusing more on the desired outcome of making my trip to the pharmacy. Eventually thinking about the relief that would come after obtaining my prescription.
After what seemed like a Herculean task completed, I found that my mind had found a happy place to dwell on. This put me in a better emotional state and even though I still had the infection and my prescription had not quite yet taken affect a lot of my depressive tendencies begin to retard. I'd wondered if simply getting out of the house and accomplishing a goal if that had in fact been the catalyst for my beginning to feel normal.
As my mind wandered further I reviewed my actions in getting my day started my focus was drawn to a single moment. I went round and round with the thought trying to rationalize or dispute it. Could it simply have been this easy the whole time? Could I have work out a method to throw my mind into autopilot? Seems absurd, for something so simple to have such a large impact on my state of being. Over and over I contemplated this moment. I begin to think back to similar moments and was able to reach only one conclusion. In its most simplest form the act of strapping on my boots had inadvertently activated some autopilot mechanism in my brain. My behavior and mood was linked to having a purpose. When my body went through the motions of strapping on my boots my sense of Duty and accomplishment must have triggered some endorphins or dopamine possibly. Science does show evidence that the act of thinking through a plan and goal releases such chemicals in the brain to stimulate the reward center.
I always enjoy brain hacks or introducing specific behavioral modifications. The human brain has always fascinated me, psychology and behaviorism being at the Forefront of these. For instance if I'm trying to incorporate a habit I will use another habit in my natural behavior to associate it to. This however felt like another level. The more I looked back at my behavior the more sense it made. I tend to be a pretty active body, and even in my most inactive period of life I still had managed to get up and put my boots on even if my plans were to be homebound for the day.
Suddenly the act of strapping my boots on was far more impactful then I would have ever imagined. It symbolized my drive, my ambition, my fortitude, and my mindset of getting s*** done. It was grounding, it was foundational, it was my energy body getting ready for flight. Every cell in my body recognized this moment as something to be excited about, and I agreed.
Associative Behavior is so underrated in our current culture. We tend to have a mindset in which we believe that if there is nothing to do then we should keep our body sedentary. Our senses are over-stimulated by television, radio, internet, smartphones, marketing, and advertisements that our brain simply wants to wait in idle for the next brain candy treat. We want to believe that we are constantly tired from being overworked when in reality the majority of us are over stimulated. Mental exhaustion has similar effects to physical exhaustion on the body.
This effect of associative Behavior is recognizable in ceremony and ritual. When feeling the connection to the divine was the most sought-after euphoric feeling to strive for the act of preparing such a ceremony or ritual induces the beginning stages of this euphoria.
In my current practice the use of ceremony and ritual is less rigid and used more for the building of excitement and energy. Raising mine and others vibration to the point that energy work becomes much more easy because of the abundance.
Let's just say now every time I wake up I look forward to starting my day. I would encourage you to figuratively strap your boots on and go do something beautiful and inspiring. The world awaits you.
-Reverend Kip Batiz
#Motivational, #Lifestyle, #depression, #Affirmations, #RevMayhem, #kipbatiz
